The Number One Tool That Saved Our Marriage

Today is the first day of September, and for me that means a HUGE seasonal change…at least, mentally.  Living in the south, we don’t actually begin to feel the coolness of fall until mid October mornings. So, for now, I will crank my AC down to, literally, 67 degrees, put on long sleeves and leggings and pretend and hope with all my precious little heart that it is fall (slash Christmas, if we’re being totally honest here).

At the Nutt house we welcome the fall and winter with open arms. My husband and I practically look like the young Santa and Mrs. Clause, so I feel that we come by it quite naturally.  However, the other day (Mid August-99 degrees) when I was getting ready for work and playing Christmas music, he wasn’t having it.  Now, I know that I was probably pre-mature with little bobsled that I call Ol’ St. Nick, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. How else will the holiday season come?  Does he actually think this change of season happens by itself?  Nope.  I’m like one of those deer hunters that sprays themselves with deer pee to attract their kill. That’s what I do with fall and winter.. I put it all over myself until it shows up.  He may try to put up a front, but he will give in after a while.

I watched a Christmas movie today, I ate pumpkin spice toast, hubby watched some college football. We are living Our Best Life Now. He bends to Christmas, and I bend to football- it works.

It's always interesting to realize how blended my husband and I have become, because when we first met, we were opposites in almost every way.  He was literally a front man in a hard core band (that’s the scream music your mamma warned you about) and I remember one time we left our college campus heading in totally different directions. He was driving to a show, and I was heading to a barrel race, where I would not only be running barrels, but I would also be singing the National Anthem- weren’t we just a match made in heaven?! Bless our sweet, little, naïve hearts. I mentioned in my last blog post that it took us a while to hit our stride as a couple, and our differences have probably had a lot to do with it. Over the years we have gone to pre-marital counseling, marital counseling, marriage and money conferences, watched marriage videos from home, and have tried to apply the things that make the most sense for us.

 I’m going to share with you something that has completely changed the way we communicate and has saved us from so many arguments, its nuts.  We’re Nutt’s. You tracking with me still?

INTRODUCING…THE WITHHOLD- This is meant to be used in the event that you have accidentally or intentionally withheld some sort of information from your spouse.  Maybe you were at a party and there were too many people around to talk about something that hurt your feelings?  Or maybe you agreed to go to a baby shower and forgot to mention it to your hubby? Maybe something great happened and you forgot about it for several days, but meant to share it?  Either way, when you get a moment alone, or that makes sense for you, one you just says “I have a withhold”.  This lets the other person know that you, without intended hurt, have not told them something that they need to know.  You share the info, then discuss. (some can choose to wait 30 minutes before discussing ) We learned this useful tool from Dr. Les Parrot at the Dave Ramsey Smart Conference two years ago, and have used it weekly, since then. 

So easy right? It sounded too simple to work, but it does. Try it, and let me know. I have also heard it works with kids, probably teenagers and adult kids- but mine is four so we usually just have conversations about PJ Masks, and corn dogs. Please let me know if you decide to give this a whirl, dear reader.  My hope for us, is that we grow in understanding and grace for each other season after season.

Listening:   “Of Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker”, “CompleteNIV Audio Bible (NT) by David Suchet”

Watching: Parenthood